Day 28.

Four weeks have passed. And I think everyday that this feeling is going to kill me. It's so hard to define. At the moment I woke, the sadness came in, like a wave. Then the pain. Then the nausea. I cannot laugh. I'm hungry, but food taste like cardboard. I am weary, but I cannot sleep. I forgot the joy I once had. But I didn't had joy since months ago.

It's so sick. I am with that person, and between my pain, I feel relieved. At least for a moment. I look at that person, and I get a mixture of feeling. A strange happiness, a terrible sadness, a strong pain. And it's killing me. Days go by, so my life. I have wasted 25 years. I haven't taken pictures, I cannot walk in the streets, because my mind assaults me, and every step is painful. Every place that I know that person have been, it's like taking a knife. Words are useless to describe this feelings.

I think that it happened. I tried to stop feeling everything for twenty five years. Now, I cannot stop it.

And you, yes you asked me: "Why? Why do you feel like that, If there wasn't anything between us?

I know. I know a lot of things. Maybe I am naive. But is not your physical. It's not likeness. If it was just that, this would be a lot easier.

Why do I say that God hates me? Well, maybe he doesn't hate me, maybe he hates all the people. Because I fought, I risked, I tried, and didn't achieved. And sometimes I think my dark aura is hurting the people I love.

At this time I just want to runaway. I know that is not the solution. But I just want to scape, I cannot stand this suffering anymore, I cannot bear this pain. It's killing me, and I just can't tell. It's unbearable. I don't know if I am just a stupid and I am overacting, but that's how I feel. It's a pain that doesn't stop, no matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter how much I pray, no matter how much I punch, no matter how much I cry. It just doesn't go away, but comes again, slicing me......

And here I am. So much affection, so much love to give, but as usual, maybe it's too late for me. Or maybe I am not normal, or not made to this world.

P.D. I shouldn't be doing this, but I am just listening to that old song: Runaway - Real McCoy