25 de Marzo del año 3019 de la tercera edad del sol

Un aniversario más de la derrota de Sauron.

Otro año mas de blogger.

¿Quién lo diría? jejeje Empezó como algo raro, sigue siendo algo raro, pero ya es parte de mi vida y de lo que soy, de lo que tengo que decir, de mi capacidad de ser escuchado (o mejor dicho leído), una parte de mi en el mundo. No se si sea bueno o malo, pero es, por el momento presente, lo que es.

Causa y efecto o efecto y causa.

La causa de que escriba es la soledad que tengo y posiblemente el miedo. Escribo porque no puedo hablar o tengo miedo de hablar y en ello es creada esta simulación. Porque escribir es lo más parecido que encuentro a conversar y aún así no es lo mismo. Sus ventajas son sus desventajas. No escuchas lo que quieres oir, o lo que no quieres oir, simplemente no escuchas. Pero a fin de cuentas es un último recurso de aquel, que como yo, va por este mundo en una especie de ostracismo personal, ya voluntario, ya por parte del mundo. Realmente no se a que grado uno y el otro. En que punto uno elige la soledad, o, de nuevo, la soledad te elige a ti. Entonces la causa y efecto no quedan tan claras de nuevo y la causa no aparece más del mismo sencillo modo que al inicio de esta "conversación".

Interrupción.

Si, eso fue lo que pasó el día de hoy cuando, enfrascado, caminando, quiza algo enfadado de la universidad al lugar que habito algo interrumpió la corriente de pensamientos y de afecciones mentales y sentimentales que experimentaba. El aroma de un naranjo, increíblemente fragante, increíblemente dulce interrumpió todo aquello que me turbaba por segundos, aquello que me molestaba, aquello sobre lo que mi mente giraba sin cesar.

I need something to rely on.

As usual the strange thought to close the night or the dawn, depends on the point of view. As usual writing from the loneliness of my room. Do I chose loneliness or does loneliness choose me? It's a valid question. I cannot say that I don't have friends, because I have them, I have great friends actually and I am knowing new people at school, people that have interesting and different views and that I'm starting to care. I do have a family, a good caring family. I do not hunger nor thirst.

Then why I feel awkward? Then why I feel that I don't belong to anywhere? that I can't understand people and people can't understand me? That despite I have friends, I pass much of my time bored, sad and alone. That I don't feel enthusiasm anylonger.

Then, came to me this thought: loneliness choses me, and even embrace me. And even twists the reality. Reality doesn't match the way it should. The first paragraphs shows the reality as most of the people would look at if I would tell the. Second paragraph shows how do I feel about that reality.

I'm still hoping.

Words from the Lady of Lothlorien

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest, for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace.

Peace...peace...peace...

Someone hit pause please...

One of those days in which the worse of the others just mixes with the worse of you. I have days wondering and asking about the sense of what I'm doing? Today I got results of some tests. Not what I would like to see. But somehow, nothing seems good enough for me. That is one of my problems, or at least, some people have pointed out that. Well, I have pointed it out too, because that neverending quest for perfection doesn't let me live. And speaking of life, I also throw a question: where is the joy? Someone in msn said: enjoy the little things. Another blog says: unhappiness is the result of bad choices. Also people tell me that I need a relationship. The fact is I don't know and right now I'm pretty much worried about what to do. I cannot continue this way. What is going to happen to me if this continues? I cannot tell, but I don't like it, and like the song said "ya no se que hacer conmigo" (I don't know how to do with myself). Yes, a school quiz went wrong. Yes, I haven't been motivated. A bunch of crap in my hands and just wanting to scream...but who would listen?? Someone told me: I want to go home... I can go back and forth to the place where I was born and raised, and to the place where I study, to the streets of my hometown and this other city and I cannot find and answer to how I Feel. And I'm tiring...I cannot live like these...I can't stand it any longer. The loneliness is getting a heavier burden...specially when I find myself...totally different and when I see that things that should go naturally are a source of conflict...every human relationship. Nevermind....getting late again...

Meaning.

Meaning as in sense. In the way that something has a "raison d'être". That's the idea of how we are raised. Everything, somehow, has a reason to be. Every thing that happen should follow that idea. You should behave yourself as a kid because bla bla bla bla. Cause-effect. Well I just have to say: all that crap is just that: crap. What to live for if you don't have hope? And if you have hope how long can it last before you fall? I really don't know. People crave for love, for a hapiness that society tells should be. Anyway I just find everything pointless...boring...and don't have the enthusiasm that maybe I had. Did I have it anyway? I'm afraid to said that I did have. Now, I don't know.

Puáj

Es la opinión que tengo de la existencia en este momento