jueves, abril 10, 2008

In this swirling vortex....

Yes, a swirling vortex of enthropy...no, that's not mine, but nevermind. Writing from this torn life, between two geographical places, a lot of existencial places. Torn is the word. Yeah, just like that old (now IS OLD) song: "nothing's fine I'm torn, I'm all out of faith... this is how I feel..." and yes, the rest of the song is well known. Torn in pieces, torn in peace, torn torn torn. And every second going tear apart more and more.... Good luck, good night.. I'm done for now.

miércoles, abril 09, 2008

Is the time coming? Or is it going?...

And after hearing about a bunch of stuff that could be just described as "interpretation" then I start to write this, an interpretation of what I'm being, what happens, what comes to me in a sort of diferent ways. I am listening to a song, but no device is on. My media player is shut down, 'cause I am on a public area. And I don't want to disturb all this mother fuckers. Just watching the branches of trees being blowed and moved by the wind through the window that is right in front of me, well, if you don't count the obstacles of human bodies, tables and computers.... Nevermind. Is the time coming, or is it going..? Don't know, if it were for me, I would stop everything. So I could be in peace. Tired of listening about good things and bad things. About love and jealousy, about friendships that leave to never come back. About that feeling of neverending pain that is underneath, even when you're laughing. THe laugh lasts a second. The pain is forever. Tired of remember a hug that somebody gave me one year ago. Somebody that now I hate with no real reason. But love doesn't have reasons. Neither hate. Hate is more easy to spread. Who cares, who knows?. My head has a strange aching. I am thinking in the future and the past. Again, failing to do what I have. Live the present. But it's just seems so griefing. Two more days, and a conventional mark is going to remember me, even if I don't want to, that times is coming and going. Times like these, in which I just think why. Times when I remember that I was better. I guess I was happy and I didn't realized. Times in which I would like to cease the existence. Why?. Because I am tired of fighting against everything. But mostly, against me. Tired of dreaming of things that aren't going to happen. Tired of feeling that loneliness is the only thing that is left, tired of think about damnation, my damnation, tired of realizing that nothing can fulfill the emptiness that I have. I'm just tired. I want to surrender. I want to rest....

lunes, abril 07, 2008

It's so strange.

Yes, it's so strange, but I didn't wanted to look at my blog. It was like watching a wound somehow. I was distant from it, or maybe distant from myself, because this is one of the few paths that I have to reach myself. Kinda strange, isn't it?. But it's true I guess. Writing and putting the soul in its place. I am not as fluent as I used to be. And I am refering to typing, writing, and putting my thoughts in this language ( I don't know what I do this!!!). Nevermind. This was going to be, again, one of my usual claims of misanthropy. But now, I am not sure about it. I was very difficult to start writing. And it's very difficult to write right now. All about feelings and thoughts. Because those are the centerpieces of my life. Maybe that's my problem. I might need some action. Anyway. I write this, from the loneliness of a library. Full of death people that no one knows if they really existed. People who wrote about any kind of things, for any kind of reason, but, most of them, tried to find a meaning (if there is such thing). From the loneliness of my life, that seems to be more lonely every day. Am I accustomed to that? No. I felt that way before and it hurts just as the first time. That's all for today.