viernes, mayo 29, 2009

So fuckin angry....

I know this crap is not twitter but right now I am so fuckin angry...or sad....or both...Really don't know or care......but I can't stand it....can't even wirte...nev,easem

Two post before.

I am in the middle of insomnia...scavenging through that aberration called Myspace. Suddenly I remembered things that I heard from my teachers...and things that I think I could share, because I consider those words to be like tiny pearls of wisdom...Something worthy for everyone of you, that come here sometimes. I really should be sleeping or working on my finals (OMG OMG OMG) but here I am. Here is my strange gift to you.

Chat with another professor.

In this times, we don't know exactly what a human is, and this is new. None other era had the problem. Greeks had an exact concept of human. So do people in the middle age. It is possible that the suffering we have in this time of indetermination came from the excessive attention we pay to ourselves, and the little we bring to other persons. If we could focus more on worrying about the needs of the other, we wouldn't be suffering this much...but it's just my reflexion guys....

That was my teacher said.

Chat with the professor.

A professor said some days ago: We shouldn't look at people that comitt suicide like they are crazy or disturbed...we should look at them with some understanding, even with respect, because the reality made that situation possible. The world make it possible, it isn't just a problem of mental health, or perturbed persons...We shouldn't be so eager on making judgements about them...

martes, mayo 26, 2009

About the last post...

I was tempted to publish it again...yeah. Don't know why. Don't know if it has any sense to write down that pathetic plight just to feel a little relief. But anyway, I'm writing about it, so it is almost like if I was writing it again. I was saying days ago that every people has the potential of being completely unrational. Part of a theory of mine. The idea came after I read the post of a friend (I would link it, but the blog is private) and after chattin through msn. But how does it relate with this post? Well, after a deep thinking (ok, just a little thinking) I came to the conclusion that every feeling is completely unrational (I discovered the sun!!). I don't know what is the purpose of the feelings. If it something related with evolution, I think nature screwed it up. What is their purpose? I don't know. I don't know why do I need what I wrote in my last post. But I need it. I don't know why do I need to feel something for the people that I care. But I need it. Don't even know why do I need to be cared about, loved, cheered, huged. I don't know. And I feel completely overwhelmed for my incapacity to manage that sensations. I mean, I feel, that is sure. It just seems to be that something is wrong with me. And that is a problem I cannot solve. People that I see, friends of mine, school mates, work mates; they seem to manage their feelings in some sort of "natural" way. Effortless. I struggle everyday. I fight everyday. And every night. With situations like the one I posted before this one. And it's difficult. It is very difficult to be feeling hurt, lonely and thinking no one can understand me. Even though the evidence tells me that I am not alone, I feel that way. Alienated. Don't know how to fix it. Don't know how to fix me. And I just look again at the people I mentioned, friends, family, etc. and I wish to be like that. I look at some friends blogs, messengers, facebooks, myspaces, pictures and all of it is a painful reminder of what I'm not. And what I wish to be. Things should be wrong if I wish to be what I am not. Anyway it's late now...

domingo, mayo 24, 2009

Sometimes...

Sometimes... I wish someone would come along and just give me a big, long hug.

miércoles, mayo 20, 2009

A few thoughts...

I have been wondering a lot of things lately. Instead of collecting the information I need for my end term paper, my mind fools around (and so do I) on things that are also important, not academicly, but in practical life. Some person once wrote about friendship. Why are friends needed, what kind of friendships and friends exists and such. The conclusions are not surprising. The phenomenon of friendships seems to be an essential part of human behaviours and even a need, or a requisite for achieving higher goods, such happiness. 

Ok, this seems to be pretty much descriptive, even boring, but what's the point? Well, this texts show a classification: some friends are such because it is useful for them. Another friends are such because of the pleasure they give to each other. And the last kind of friends. The friend that wants his/her friend because of him/her, not because the things that can obtain through the friendship. 

When I read this ideas, in my mind something resonates. I start to think about it, about how this phenomenon is relevant to me, how do I relate to others how does my friendships play a role in my life. And I figure out if my friendships are the last kind that I mentioned. I think that, considering my friends are scarce, all of them are of that kind. Most of the signs I see give me the answer to my doubts. I just hope the things I cannot see tell the same. Having this fear about the nature of my friendships is, somehow, a fear on my value. If I were sure of it, I won't be worried. But sometimes, even in the most secure person, the deception can come, with the mask of a friend.

I also have another fear. The fear of lookin' inside myself to my mistakes. Did I become a friend of someone for the sake of utility or the pleasure that person provided me? Could I do that? Is it possible? Sadly...yes, it is possible, but not just for me, for you, and for everyone else. I am afraid to realize that I did something like that. Using a person as a mean to an end. People shouldn't be means, just ends. Period. The analisis made so far tell me that my intentions where good. I should dig even more, more precisely to see if my actions where fouled, so I don't repeat it. And I will do it. Would be nice if everyone does it. 

martes, mayo 19, 2009

To change...or not to change...

Nevertheless....you don't have a choice!!! Everything just changes and changes. You just must try to figure out what kind of change you're into, and if it will help you to improve yourself, to go in a way or a direction that you are willing to go. Of course, it would require to be in control. But there are some things which cannot be controlled. Then, decisitions must be made. Where is the compass pointing to? The compass of the life. What are you doing? Are you doing right? Aren't you affecting in a negative way the people that is around you? Are you doing good? What is good anyway? So many questions, and, as usual, not so many answers. I am kinda ranting right now, so, 'til next we meet...

domingo, mayo 10, 2009

100% libre de influenza

El continuum: 100% libre de influenza. (puede contener cantidades importantes de trastorno obsesivo compulsivo, hipocondría, depresión, trastorno dismorfico de la personalidad y neurosis).

viernes, mayo 08, 2009

El lado bueno de la vida...

No, no es un refresco: vea el lado bueno de la vida en El Sueño del Mapache.

jueves, mayo 07, 2009

Algunas citas mas referentes a esas cosas humanas.

Batallé un poco para encontrarles de nuevo, y eso que las leía la tarde de hoy. Mi mente esta difusa porque no se distinguir entre realidad y fantasía extraña. Pero no hablaré de eso hoy. Solo quería escribir estas ideas:

"Las relaciones amistosas con el prójimo y aquellas por las que se definen las amistades parecen originarse de las de los hombres con relación a sí mismos."

"Parece, pues, que el malo no está dispuesto a amar ni siquiera a sí mismo, porque no tiene nada amable. Por consiguiente, si el tener tal disposición es una gran desgracia, debemos hacer todo esfuerzo para evitar la maldad e intentar ser buenos, porque de esta manera sólo uno puede tener disposiciones amistosas consigo mismo, sino también llegar a ser amigo de otro"

martes, mayo 05, 2009

Right, wrong, who knows?

That question came to my mind, thinkin' about the current outbreak epidemic situation. Life goes on. Should go on. But what if life wasn't right at the beginning? Do we, or do I cling too much into the future, a future that maybe won't happen at all? Do we, or do I think too much about the past? As usual, this questions seems to have no answers. And it is also amazing that much of the human life depends on the network of significant relationships between persons. Acknowledgments, friendship, family, romantic, sexual...etc. Human beings seems to be their relationships and almost every mental state is derived from that relations. How does the socially inept people survive this? If they (or we) survive, which are the consequences? How deep are the scars? Is it possible to overcome a sociophatic (in the sense of difficult relationships) state? These people may just look fine to the people who enjoy a good interaction with others. But, does anyone knows what's happening inside them? How much does it hurt to feel that? I don't know... Sadly, not many people know. And i think, less people cares. 

lunes, mayo 04, 2009

Pretend that you're alone...

Well, the title of that song of Keane may as well be applied to the life of the person that is writing this right now. There is a difference. Sometimes, it isn't necesary to pretend. About 3 weeks of isolation...wasn't very good at all, and suddenly, thanks to a fu&%6 virus of s&/% everything got worse. Fighting against the inner demons is kinda tough, without the help of a freakin contagious disease. But it's frightning. Reality tends to twist around when is looked through the internet, the newspapers, the t.v. And then, everything seems shattered. Hardly trying to keep the broken pieces of the personal reality together...Isolation never comes alone. Neither loneliness. They come together with some "friends": obsesions, strange thoughts, anxiety, despair... What a single person can do...? There is not an emergency number that can help you out, or a cosmic glue to bind the ever-shattering pieces. The clock shows that time hasn't stopped. Look around and there is no one...Seems to be that you are not important anymore, if you ever was. Maybe every time you tried to grasp that feeling, the feeling of belonging, the feeling that told you "someone care for you" is just an illusion. A trick of the mind, to try to help you function in a world that you didn't asked to come...and a world that doesnt' seem to want you...

domingo, mayo 03, 2009

Stars....

Normally, I would start ranting about how sad, bad, depressing things are. About loneliness and all of it. Right now, I won't. It doesn't mean that those topics are away from me. Actually, they are in my mind right now, floating, flying, makin' circles. But also, I had this idea, to write about the stars. I can't avoid lookin' at the sky from night to night, lookin' for them. Sometimes it is hard or difficult to see them, because the cold blinding lights of the city. From time to time, I am lucky and I can be part, a little part of all the universe, and feel connected to it, from my present, to the past that I am looking. Millions of years ago are showed every night. Some of us don't know, some of us don't care. But the past, the things that was, the things that we usually cannot perceive, are perceivable, through the stars....