Master and Commander.

Sometimes I would just like to be master and commander of my body, my mind, my soul. Most of the time, it looks that it is just the opposite. Weird things of life. Hehehe

I want to sleep, and to runaway, to leave this starcrossed place behind.

Yeah, I want to leave, to runaway, runaway from this feeling of loneliness and despair. To runaway from my grieves. As I said before, seems to be that I'm in great need, but somehow, unable to ask for help in a proper way. I want to escape and want to find something good. I want to be fixed, I want to heal, and, again, hear some friendly voice, feel a huge, feel hope that things are going to be mended.

Those are my hopes this afternoon, while I feel drowziness and awkwardness...

But I still have hope

It's all in your mind.

Yeah, that's what the song says. This day seemed to be just another day. Another quiet day, maybe boring, maybe not. This day I was trying to make my mind clear. To acknowledge my issues, but also, acknowledge my capacity to get over them, and to put on faith and hope those things that I cannot affect by my direct intervention. Suddenly I was in my bussiness, giving a look to some books in a store. Then I heard that voice. I was compelled to stay, why should I had to go anyway? My determination just lasted a few seconds, after which I practically start running. Running towards nowhere. Confused. Saddened and angered. The past doesn't leave. The past still exists. And suddenly I started to think about how far do I feel from my friends, my beloved friends, my family (the human race). All the solutions that I was trying to find to my life start to crumble. I called a friend because I wanted to hear a friendly familiar voice, to somehow overcome the feeling of loneliness that was upon me. I felt angry and guilty. Between the mess of my mind and memories, I don't know if that situation was my fault. If I failed as a person, If I didn't do the right thing. If the feelings that I had towards that person were right. Why I felt that way? I didn't asked to feel it. Nor was my election. It just happened. I cared about. I loved? Maybe. It's hard to tell right now. All this days wishing to find myself in front that person and now that it happens...well...this. I just want this to go away from my life. I wished I could forget. I wish we could be friends again. I wish we can hug again. But it seems to be not possible. It seems to be weird. It's late again...Good night.