A few thoughts...

I have been wondering a lot of things lately. Instead of collecting the information I need for my end term paper, my mind fools around (and so do I) on things that are also important, not academicly, but in practical life. Some person once wrote about friendship. Why are friends needed, what kind of friendships and friends exists and such. The conclusions are not surprising. The phenomenon of friendships seems to be an essential part of human behaviours and even a need, or a requisite for achieving higher goods, such happiness. 

Ok, this seems to be pretty much descriptive, even boring, but what's the point? Well, this texts show a classification: some friends are such because it is useful for them. Another friends are such because of the pleasure they give to each other. And the last kind of friends. The friend that wants his/her friend because of him/her, not because the things that can obtain through the friendship. 

When I read this ideas, in my mind something resonates. I start to think about it, about how this phenomenon is relevant to me, how do I relate to others how does my friendships play a role in my life. And I figure out if my friendships are the last kind that I mentioned. I think that, considering my friends are scarce, all of them are of that kind. Most of the signs I see give me the answer to my doubts. I just hope the things I cannot see tell the same. Having this fear about the nature of my friendships is, somehow, a fear on my value. If I were sure of it, I won't be worried. But sometimes, even in the most secure person, the deception can come, with the mask of a friend.

I also have another fear. The fear of lookin' inside myself to my mistakes. Did I become a friend of someone for the sake of utility or the pleasure that person provided me? Could I do that? Is it possible? Sadly...yes, it is possible, but not just for me, for you, and for everyone else. I am afraid to realize that I did something like that. Using a person as a mean to an end. People shouldn't be means, just ends. Period. The analisis made so far tell me that my intentions where good. I should dig even more, more precisely to see if my actions where fouled, so I don't repeat it. And I will do it. Would be nice if everyone does it.