At this moment....

I don't know if the rage or the sadness are inside me. And I don't know why. I don't know why life turns so complicated every fuckin' day. And it's something that I cannot understand. I cannot understand why people is always repressing life and it makes me anger. I don't know If I could sleep tonight. Because I feel I feel and I feel. And still feeling, and everythings turns out to be more confusing. If I could I will explode, but I can't. I can't even tell my closests friends what's going on with me, 'cause I am afraid to hurt them, or to displease them. It's like if showing them the real me the things that I do and feel, the thoughts and everything else could make me more vulnerable. To be hurted again... And I still feel anger and rage against the stupid people. And also feel like if something was trapped in my chest. Everything started to hurt, everything seemed to be wrong.

And then the sadness again. Why God, why. I can't understand. Why I can't just cry wherever I want, whenever I want. But it is not OK to cry. So, I cannot even runaway to any place. I cannot find relief. And I ask again and raise my hand against God. And ask...why. But I cannot cry...it's wrong, I don't have a place to do so.....

And everything goes so complicated again and again and again. Why didn't I ran away when I could?

Why
Why

The eternal question in my life.
Why....