A lizard in my window.

But it doesn't have nothing to do with the things that I am going to write. But it seemed a good title.

Sometimes I do not know why the past tends to tie us so much. In my mind a lot of thoughts fly and crash every time. Why this? Why that?

And I just keep asking why? And saying that is too late. At least, my recent experience of trying to take a new way in my proffesional life tells me that. One year, three failures. For a little time, I thought that I could make it. But I was wrong I guess. And I still remember people asking me Why? Why didn't you do that before? Why are you doing this?. Before, before, before.

That could be easy for them. But not for me. I failed in my decisitions years ago and now I struggle...and fail.

Be strong. It's just in your mind. Make an effort. I hear that a lot too. When I talked to my friends of an anxiety crisis that I had to years ago, of the fears that I had and have, people just stare at me like if I was crazy. May be I am.

People seems to be very annoying...It's just like a relationship, there is always one person who loves more or gives more. I gave more, received less. Or maybe just was foolish, naive, stupid, pendejo, imbécil, don't know.

Yes, I know this is becoming stupid, depressing, boring, that I should not be putting things like these in my blog, but again

IT'S FUCKIN' MINE

So, after this intervention, I may continue with my blabbering. I also get infatuated, fall in love, obsesse or fix I don't know exactly what it is, on people that is not possible to relate with, in that way.

Be strong....I heard that too.

How can someone like me, social inept, sporty incapable, romantic failure, academic wannabe be possibly strong.

I don't know.

WHERE IS MY MIND?