Damn

Hasn't been good days these days. Very busy. Very lazy. Some of they sad. But that doesnt' sounds correct at all. The days cannot be sad or happy. It's me who is sad or happy. I didn't have much things to be happy. Instead of that, I found the other face of the coin. Movies and songs remind me of things that I wanted to forget. But I never forget. At all. I have the hability of remember most of the things that I see, hear, read or think. I walked on and look at sadness. I walked until I reach a place that I haven't been in a long time. I sat. I cryed. And then it became more difficult. Because I couldn't move my mind out of the thoughts that were coming out of it. The world wasn't made by a god. I came to the conclusion that this world is product of a cruel demon that laughs every time why fall, every time we cry, every time we try vainly to be happy. To love someone, to reach someone or something, to be good. Everywhere I look around I just see the same things every time. All is pain, all is horror, all is dissapointment. We live in a sack of meat that is constantly getting rotten, inflating, smelling bad. We want desperately to be with other beings like us, just to lost the desire and want to be with other beings, and we became mad when that beings want to be with others. We love people who doesn't love us. We hate people who loves us. We can't be ourselves. We can't be love whoever we want. We cannot be whoever we want to be. We live inmersed in pain...and there's nothing we can do. We cannot run nor hide. There is no escape. There is no peace. There is no point on living. And that's why I started to wep this evening. And it doesn't make sense, because it has no remedy. And there is no hope.