Why Do I ask Why?

It feels awkward some moments. At this moment I am on the verge of going mad, in some kind of ways. I have work that I cannot do. It's difficult to concentrate right now. I feel bored and weird on days off, which are supposed to be days for the rest and leisure. I am ill, I do not know if too ill, or a little ill. Just know that it freaks me out and makes me think about the worst things. And worry. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have been bad to a friend of mine, just becaused he freaked my out. He has troubles, and seems that I am not able to help him. Seems that I am not able to help myself either. I just think and fear, and fear. I was hoping to continue studying. The hope and goodness that were growing in me just dropped out lately. And everybody says that is not logical to fear. And when things happen, then you cannot do anything, there is no use on worrying and all that phrases. Those phrases are ok. But I cannot do that. I cannot stop worrying. I want to, but I cannot. And I just got into despair, "hoping" for the worse to happen, fearing it, being afraid, even when I do not know if my mind is just misunderstanding the signs. The only thing that I know is that I cannot stand this anymore. I cannot. And I want it to stop. Because these is not living. It's not good. It's driving me crazy. And I cannot understand, and I pray and ask and try to move it away from me, from my mind, from my body, and I cannot. I pray and ask, and I've got no answer. Maybe there is nothing that can answer. Maybe it's just my bad luck. A punishment from destiny. Or maybe if there is something that can hear my pray, the answer is "screw you" or "you deserve that" or "I do not care, suffer then".
Just don't get it.