Feel Ill

That's right. In boy and mind. Not too much I can do. Not too much I can say. Just one thing. The xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx a very hard number. And about casualties. I do not know why somedays I feel not as bad, and other days I curse the day that I came to the world. I also stopped writing in my diary. Now I let the world to know the most sensible parts of myself. I do not know why. I do not know anything. I just think that I hope for the weekend. just to realize that are the saddest days of the week. That my life is passing by. That I feel that I am going to die miserably. Sometimes I forgot it. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I have fun. Sometimes I dare to dream about a good future. Usually I dare to dream about happiness. And I just hope everything come to an end. I cannot take more suffering. I just cannot. I cannot deal with the fear. I cannot deal with the pain. I am such a coward. IT IS SUPPOSED THAT ONE SHOULD FIGHT AND FIGHT AGAINST ALL ODDS, CONSIDER THE LIFE THE GREATEST TREASURE. But I just cannot feel that. It's becoming more and more difficult to go everyday, with a mask that everythings allright. I cannot even imagine to make my mother, sister, family, friends any suffering or pain. I am on the edge. I cannot stand it anymore...

(Update: I think that maybe I was just feeling not so well at the time I wrote this..., but I just need to scream sometimes, to release the things that I feel)