Pray the night.

Is it any wonder? I don't know. Yeah, that's my favorite phrase, whatever. I was banished from the kingdom of the good and true. So I stand here. I was planning to write on things that happened long ago (May) but suddenly I felt so angered and bothered, so I decided that was meaningless. Just as everything seems to be. Reality daunts me as I try to grasp it and to decide what to do. In any case, that effort turns into a complicated net of perceptions, feelings and comparisons. Trying to find answers doesn't look like the right choice. May was a turmoil..confusion, and impending deadlines. June becomes intense heat and a feeling of What the fuck am I doing. July morphs into fear of everything. I would like to have hope. Or better than hope. Faith. Hope is expect. Faith is being sure. Being sure that things might have a meaning and that life is more than fear, than anxiety, than shame, pain and suffering.