Here i go again

I remember a song that starts that way. But that's off-topic. I write because I want this to be my escape route (no pun intended). Because of my lack of enthusiasm about life and all the beautiful things that the world has to offer (do you feel sarcasm? you should). I hope to go to school and find a rich and vibrant plural ambient. I don't know if there is really such a thing but what I see is some bunch of people that are there for whatever reason but learning, and some people that are there for whatever reason but learning. I don't find joy going there and then I ask myself "did I do right throwing what I knew for pursuing this?" But then I see...what else could I do? and that leads me to feel trapped. Of course, there are things that I know I must do, that I must think, but it annoys me that my only option to do it in a proffessional way has to be this twisted and flawed. I have games that I play on a daily basis, but is more a routine that an enjoyment. I wake up and don't know what to do. I see the newspaper and don't know. I travel back and fort to the place that I call home and feel the way. And I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. Or why I can make a good decision. A decision that starts to show that I am in the right way. I'm desperated and if this are not the right decisions then I don't know which the fuck ones are. Ohhh anger that flows I just want to let it go and let all go. Anyway, it's late now. Good Night.