Strange week.

In which strange things happened. But the most important thing. M4st3r-X- is perfectly fine. I thank God (yes, the God who I unleash my anger sometimes seems to be doing good things actually) for that.

But what else happened? Well, I had the flu. It was very unpleasant, actually. And also, I was isolated from almost everyone I care of. Isolation...ostracism? Well, certainly not ostracism, tough it was a "voluntary" act. I put between inverted commas voluntary because although I was conscious of what I was doing, I couldn't stop it. Some inner force or inner voice (no I'm not hallucinating) was making me doing so. Why do I say it was not voluntary? Because I don't want to be alone. Is one of the things that I suffer the most. That cause me the greatest emotional pains and lead me to a kind of dispair, of not knowing what to do or how to fix it.

But I was doing exactly the opposite. Paradoxic.

Isolation. One of the things that I am trying to avoid. The things that I am trying to escape of. And the things that I do. But why? Why is not possible to relieve or let out this feelings of me.? Or, If it is possible, why I am not able to make it?. Why I struggle every day with an anger and a rage that comes and goes and every day is getting stronger. With a sadness that doesn't want to leave out. With an envy and a hate that drains my energy. With an eternal "Why" on my lips and on my mind.

In what I have become?...
I haven't laughed in days. I barely smile. This cannot be good (doh!) But I just don't know how to fix it... and it's just like my friend Phoenicoperus said: "Es fácil hablar de la carga, cuando tu no la estas cargando" or "It's easy to talk about the load, when you are not carrying it" I just don't want to lose the hope that I keep. The hope that I would be able to make through this situations and stop causing so much stress, worries and annoyance to the people that I love, to the point of abandon.

Anyway...is getting late.
I want this posts to become so less frequent....