Another Post in this Blog

So it is. Here am I, everyday less anonymous thanks to a very good blog, from a great person (you know who you are). I really thought about killing this, but after all, it seemed like if I was killing a part of myself, so I don't know, it's one of my scape valves, even when I doesn't want to know nothing about the world, when I feel lonely, even when I guess just few people read it.

So, here am I, just telling a few thing.

THIS IS MY FUCKIN' BLOG AND I CAN WRITE WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT ON IT.

So now, It's hard to start writing. It is almost painful. It's like every word came out like a tear, like a drop of blood, like a needle that comes through the skin.

But is more painful to get all the stuff inside, hurting you directly.

Why do I do this? Because I can.

Because there are too many few ways in which I can say how much I hate, how much anger lies inside me, how much fear, how much sadness, but also, hoy much hope, love, joy, lies inside, and cannot go out either.

Last days I tried something that I thought it was going to be the best for me. I think I've failed, and that only made my anger grew up, so my sadness.

why did I do it? I don't know for sure, or maybe, as somebody said to me, "it's too painful for you to tell".

Might be. But those only lead to confusion. And an old pain. The old pain of an incorrect path, a deep shame of doing something wrong, and be struggling right now to find the correct way, without success.

And It's a deep shame. I don't really know what is worse, admitting it, or hearing the people asking you "why you don't do that before" or "do something else". The thing is that it seems that I've failed, so I am strugglin' here with this.

Later comes the confusion of being myself, the fear of talking, the anger of feeling lonely, the envy and other feelings that struggle inside me...

Nevertheless, it's hurting. I will continue tomorrow I guess.
I promise.