I need some rest...

Rest of what?... Guess that I need rest of me. To rest from my thoughts and obsessions. To rest from my endless guilt, procrastination, negativeness. To rest from my lack of hope and joy. To rest from the dark visions and nightmares, to rest from my fears and impatientness. To rest from my negation of people...don't know....Just want to sleep...

What can I say?

What can I say when nothing seems to work, when the means that I have to try to achieve a certain goal: a better life, aren't working? I just don't know. Try to don't fall into despair. Not fall into sadness. Trying to be positive, as I was sayin' before. But not...over and over, all the things that I have done are marked with failure. What is the point on being good, what's is the point on listening to your parents and elders, to do what is supossed to be "right"?. Everyday in my life, yesterday, today, I see that pointless and fruitless...

Testing.

Naa, just kidding. I am waiting for my next class and I have some time to write. Do we think this blog is a little too negative?? LOLOLOLOLOLOL. Or ROFL ROFL ROFL. Or maybe ROFLMAO.  I have a lot of ideas about topics to write, but suddenly when I put my hands on the keyboard all my ideas dissappear like a pear (that was a joke, just for the record). Instead of that I am trying to overcome my overall inactivity and also trying to be positive. Yeah, I'm fuckin trying, believe it or not their readers. Despite the death of my iPod, the partial losing of my photo camera, the incapacity of my PDA touchscreen to do something at being touched actually.

Oh, it's class time. Go to go.

Going on,moving along, raining and such.

And also watching the rain. Rain falls. It seems obvious, but also seems to be obvious that lightning falls upon the ground during a storm, and that is not true (it goes up to the sky, actually). 

These days have been odd, as usual. At the moment, I am just waiting for the rain to stop or at least for the chance to run to my house.

Seems to be that weekends are pretty much bad for my mental and physical health. It also seems to be that people will always do what they pledged not to do. Yes, that is how the f%·&% people is. 

Nevermind... i think that is all for today. 

Everything may go to HELL.

Yes, damnation to all of you, damnation to everyone. (mmm this is too drastic). Ok a little bit drastic, but somehow, this is how I feel today, after my weekly trip to this city, and surviving the headache and nausea that I had last night. Nausea....a lot of philosophers talk about it... I just remember Sartre and Heidegger. Existencialism. Yeah, to exist cause me nausea, I need a cure... Nevermind. Just finished my homework. Philosophy is a kind of relief. Til next post.

Some lacks....

Lack of lessons, lack of fun, lack of entertainment....among other things. Besides a stream of so called negative thoughts come and flow in the most unspeakable ways (well, maybe that's an exaggeration, in fact it is). The things are speakable, writeable and such. But the feelings are those. Well, being honest there was one day of inner peace, no stress, no anxiety, all good and beautiful with rainbows, ponies, flowers blooming everywhere, and houses made of cake and cookies (got the sarcasm?). 

Well, it was a good day, but it is now so fuckin' over and now there is this almost permanent discontent feeling, and also the inhability to express it in proper ways or in a proper time. 

At this point I am supposed to be able to characterize a problem and bring a friggin' solution. Well none of it. Everything seems a damn problem. So, that's why I say now: Damnation!!!.

¡¡¡HA VUELTO!!!

El horroróscopo está de vuelta.

Shake, shake, shake señora, jump in the line!!!

Y me cago en internet en prodigy y en carlos slim (que de slim no tiene nada). Todo este dia ha sido extraño en cuanto al internet. ¿Y el resto de los dias? Extraños al respecto de todo. Pasando desde una tranquilidad que hace mucho no sentia, a sensaciones extrañas y vaivenes a nerviosismos y tal vez algo de síndrome de abstinencia. Eso me pasa por no seguir las recomendaciones de aquellos que busco para ayudar a mi mente trastornada ¡Mantente ocupado maldita sea! (lo último lo digo yo). Quizás todo sea producto de una constipación mental, un cuello de botella virtual que no tiene salidas propias o prudentes o productivas, situaciones del carácter de las cuales no estoy nada orgulloso. Parece que en estas situaciones de intranquilidad la música es un alivio bastante efectivo. Tengo que hacer malestas en este momento. Salgo de viaje y me estresa, ¿por qué? no lo sé. O tal vez si lo se y me hago pendejo. O de nuevo, tal vez solo sea el síndrome de abstinencia jajaja.

O quizás que por estas fechas hace un año las cosas empezaron a ser extrañas para mi. (Insistencia en que la mente se debe de ocupar y el cuerpo de una vez). Bueno, no extrañas, increiblemente tristes más que nada....y aún no puedo evitar seguir recordando y aferrandome a algo que ya no existe, aún dolido, aún rencoroso, quizás sin razón pero francamente dudo que los sentimientos tengan una razón en si.

Mañana me voy, no estoy seguro de querer ir, solo se que quiero disfrutarlo y lo hare. Tratare de bailar al ritmo del calipso para intentar calmar el ansia inquieta.

The fabric of reality and society.

I made an analogy of the reality, or, well, a part of it, the part that I can have access to, like a fabric. All threads uniform. And there is something diferent. What does people usually do when they find something like that in their clothes? Rip it off. Seems to be that society works that way to. And at that point, the problem becames my problem. I am the different thread that doesn't seems to fit at any part of this reality fabric. Even when I try to do so, it doesn't work for me. It can be ok in the outside, but inside, is another story. Even in my differences I'm still different, and can't find my place. Awkwardness is the way in which I drive myself through life, surviving the contact with other beings, contact that will inevitable lead to suffering...in any form. And still I yearn for that contact and desire it. Neverending conflict. This is what I have to battle in my life. And I'm getting tired of it.

Back in you head....

Necesito poner el Horroróscopo de nuevo para atraer a las masas hacia el otro blog. Por mientras pondre esta canción aqui:

The Balance of Light and Shadow

Fades

Yeah, inspiration come and fades. Mind is odd. Night is short. So good night.

Misundastood!!!!

Or something like that, it seems to be !!!!!

In a situation.

In a situation when you don't like someone...you leave.

What can you do, if the person you don't like, who makes you feel discomfort is none other than yourself.....?

¿Qué buscaba?

Respuestas... Y así fue que comenzó. Primero preguntando. Las respuestas se agotaron rápidamente. Luego observando, lo cual condujó a más dudas, más y mas, como lluvia incesante cayó la duda una y otra vez, aumentando su cauce. Y entonces una luz.

Los libros.

Página tras página, volumen tras volumen, uno nuevo, otro más. Pero la duda seguía creciendo. Y en efecto, cada día era una nueva duda. Muchas se olvidaron con la pregunta ¿para qué?.

Respuestas. Pensamientos. Uno tras otro. Años pasaron y las dudas empezaron a abarcar cada vez más aspectos de la existencia.

Buscando respuestas....

¿Respuestas a que?

"Lo más complicado de un problema es plantearlo"

La respuesta esta en la pregunta.

¡Eso lo explica todo!

En cierto artículo leí el modo en el que se debe de escribir en internet para mantener "cautiva" la atención de los lectores. Entre estos consejos puedo mencionar:

• Utilizar listas.
• Escribir en párrafos cortos.
• No recuerdo que mas.

Porque maldita sea, perdí el enlace (lo perdí en mi cerebro, o sea, nunca guarde el enlace, la inquisición de los bloggers me perseguirá).

Pero volviendo a lo primordial ¡ESO LO EXPLICA TODO! considerando que este blog tiene 90% de quejumbre y herrumbe escrita como una novela, no me debería sorprender nada.

En fin, continuamos con algo no relacionado en otro momento.

Unbreakable Will.

Will unbreakable, faith unshakable. A strenght underlying in the spirit itself. What can someone possibly do to tap on the power of this?. Is it meditation, religion, praying, pleasure, work, discipline? What?

Certainly I don't know. And someone doesn't know me either, as I have been said "I didn't believe that of you".

But it's true as it seems all of us are capable of the greatest deeds. But also the oposite. Nevertheless, I can say that almost everyone is in the middle. 

I am saying crazyness again!!!. 

I'll stop right now.

G. Night.

Higiene mental.

Si, parte de la higiene mental fue borrar el anterior post. Toda esta tarde la he pasado estudiando lógica, pruebas formales de validez de un argumento. Y no puedo dejar de pensar en las palabras de mi profesor acerca de aquel estado casi "nirvanico" de higiene mental. Sobre todo considerando la poca higiene mental que pueda tener el autor de este blog. Pero lo he comprobado. En los momentos que dedique a mi estudio, no hubo pensamientos o sentimientos de desagrado, temor, desesperanza. Absolutamente nada. Solo yo, el papel y el lápiz, y mi mente trabajando, resolviendo problemas. Y siguió resonando en mi cabeza, una vez que tome un descanso "higiene mental". Considerando los extraños sueños y sucesos de estas últimas 48 horas y de las anteriores semanas, más bien pareciera que dicho estudio ha sido para mi el descanso en si. Realmente extrañare esta clase. Creo que esto ha de ser un proceso análogo a la meditación, solo que en vez de poner en blanco la mente, consistió en concentrarla en un único fin, en el único momento presente. Podría decir que ambas prácticas han de perseguir lo mismo, basado en lo poco que se acerca de la meditación y en mi reciente experiencia. Y el post anterior, ¿por qué ha sido borrado?. No lo sé. Es tal vez parte de un lado oscuro que me persigue. Lo acepto, sin la luz no habría oscuridad. Pero tal vez lo contrario no tiene porque ser contradictorio. O tal vez simplemente no era yo, o no es lo que yo quiero ser y lanzar desde mis entrañas hasta este universo. Tal vez solo era víctima de la entropía mental (si, esa idea también viene de mi maravillosa clase de lógica). Tal vez solo fueron sentimientos que cumplieron su función al salir por medio de este blog y no son necesarios ahora. Momento presente: escribo, cierto un leve malestar producto de algunos excesos cometidos, y lentamente los recuerdos, así como la memoria de los extraños sueños gotean dentro del vaso de mi conciencia. Y tengo hambre así que por el momento es todo. 

Bitterness.

So, bitterness that's it. A way of life. A train of thoughts. Which train of thoughts lead us to this point? In which point I became a zoo animal that someone wants to visit anytime he wants. Well, at least people like animals from the zoo. I feel sometimes more like a street dog. But there is no point. Those life has a point, a meaning, an object anyway? My hate against human kind grows stronger everyday, as far as I can see. Everyday I feel more useless. Is it something anything worse than failing at the things that you were suppose to do? The mission of the life, if there is such thing, if there is a meaning? Well, I'm catching the meaning. Loneliness. Being dumped like trash, no matter how stronger your feelings are. No matter how strong are your beliefs, or your faith. Hopeless is this world. Tainted are the things. False are the ideas.

"Be living in the kingdom of the good and true"...

Well, that delusion is coming to an end. I am aware that some of this ideas have no logic. But I feel this way today. I've been feeling that way a long time ago. I don't know why. Maybe the karma is truth and I was terrible in the past. But so far, I think that I overpayed this. But anyhow, nothing matters.

In this swirling vortex....

Yes, a swirling vortex of enthropy...no, that's not mine, but nevermind. Writing from this torn life, between two geographical places, a lot of existencial places. Torn is the word. Yeah, just like that old (now IS OLD) song: "nothing's fine I'm torn, I'm all out of faith... this is how I feel..." and yes, the rest of the song is well known. Torn in pieces, torn in peace, torn torn torn. And every second going tear apart more and more.... Good luck, good night.. I'm done for now.