When there's nowhere else to run.........

And suddenly it happens. I do not distinct my two blogs anymore....except because maybe "The racoon dreams" might contain more music lyrics.

But that is not the point of this post. I do not know the reason of writing something in a place where anybody can see it. Maybe it's a primal need. A modern need. A personal need might be.

I write because I feel ill. My body hurts... I write because I feel ill. My mind hurts. I write because I feel ill. My spirit hurts. I write because I feel ill. My heart hurts.

And I realized last week that running away is not an option. Everything just comes with you.

Sometimes I do not know what's going on. It is suppossed that I must feel better now. But everyday I feel worse... I am full of fears...of hatred...shame. All these stuff is too heavy and it doesn't let my happiness to grow up. In theory I can controll it.....but.....

It always seems impossible to me. It seems to be that I am too much damaged and I cannot fix myself.

".....I wanna stand up......"

I am afraid....of myself, of the world....

But I am making another trip.
Why
I do not know.
I just want to escape...but I do not know how to...

But is impossible to escape...

I must confront everything.

But I feel too weak....and alone....
I am afraid of what I want...
Maybe just love..
It is easy..

In theory......