Cerrando

Cerrando año y en esta época en que todo mundo desea y hace propósitos yo solo tengo uno en particular para el próximo año.

Vivir

Dios.

Recowata, Chihuahua México, originally uploaded by Mapache Dormido.

A pesar de todo este año tuvo algunos puntos buenos, en contraste con lo que los he sometido a lo largo del mismo en el blog. Uno de estos puntos fue un viaje que hice a la Sierra (montañas) de Chihuahua. Un momento en especial fue al estar subiendo un sendero. Hacía frio y la subida era demandante físicamente. Iba caminando solo en ese momento. Y fue justo en ese momento, al estar cansado, sudando respirando el aire de la montaña y sintiendo el viento golpearme la cara, cuando me sentí en contacto directo con Dios. No fue algo "místico" ni vi cosas extrañas, sino que sentí una paz que me hizo olvidar todo en ese momento. Y llamándo a Dios de distintos modos (igual no importa, yo siento que es el mismo, en donde estes y como le llames). Fue un momento de gracia y a pesar de todas las dificultades vividas, atesoro ese momento y espero poder vivir algo asi pronto.

Puedo escribir.

Asi se llama una canción del grupo "Sixpence None the Richer" (no, eso va en el sueño del mapache). Solo recuerdo que tengo que escribir, ya sea aqui, ya sea en el diario personal, algo que tengo que soltar, pero que no quiero soltar ahora, sin embargo, aun sublimado, aqui esta, aqui yace en mi y tiene que salir eventualmente.

Enya - Caribbean Blue

(la armonía del tema ayuda a calmar la mente y el corazón inquietos)

Feliz Navidad.

Para la cristiandad, Navidad es la esperanza. La esperanza de que en cada uno de nosotros aún existe la semilla de la bondad. La certeza de que a pesar de que en ocasiones no obremos con bien, contaremos con el perdón de Nuestro Señor, la esperanza de que no estamos aquí, solos, vagando sin rumbo en el Universo, sino que tenemos, al igual que todo lo existente, una razón para ser, para estar, una razón que nos mueve. Una razón que debemos encontrar.

La esperanza de que a pesar de las adversidades, encontraremos consuelo y aliento para seguir.

Le deseo a todo el mundo una feliz Navidad.

Veinticuatro.

Diez

Maybe

Just maybe I am crazy Indeed. I suddenly felt so unusual, so angry so. A la chingada

Lackin

Lackin inspiration, will, capacity of helping the people I care of myself (I hope that's temporal...I've got more than a year on this)

Noche fria.

Básicamente así ha funcionado desde los tiempo inmemoriales en que no escribo nada aqui. Tan inmemoriales que ahora, al abrir el escritorio me encontré con la sorpresa de que ya he migrado a beta. Sin reparar mucho en ello acepte las condiciones de los próximos dueños del universo...ejem.... Google y pues como diria el Phoenicóptero "heme aqui" escribiendo para que el blog no comience a podrirse. Fin de año. (Un terrible año, he de decir) Sin embargo, no sé por momentos me asalta la esperanza y espero transmitir otro tipo de ideas sentimientos y pensamientos, mientras este suficientemente cuerdo.

Ik wil sterven
Het leven is afschuwelijk.
De god wil me vernietigen

Intentemos despertar....

Hace algo de tiempo...

http://nortedefuego.blogspot.com/2005/08/quiero-vivir.html

Veinticuatro.

Nueve

Una semana

A week have passed since the last time I wrote something here. Some things have passed since then. (And that's pretty obvious, if nothing happened then it only could mean that time has stopped) But anyway. THe point is that I have seen a lack of inspiration in almost all the other blogs that I visit (but one, who has a painful inspiration). Or some wrong inspiration. Another week, another time. Another morning, another pillows. Maybe is the winter coming. Maybe it's the moon rising. Days with their mornings. Their sunrises, their moons, their nights. And the desicions that made us through all those days. And of course, the ups and downs of us, the mentally disabled. (I think that's a joke).

Also is the absurd. The absurd of being something, do things, chores, works in five days, just willing to the weekend to come, just to realize that maybe in that time you are doing pretty much the same as in the weekdays, or just waiting for the weekend to come, and, be full of expectations that do not come at all. Why not? Why not having fun on monday? or tuesday.

Everything just comes, happens, occurs and nothing makes sense.

Por Dios, no ando de humor, pero no lo podía dejar pasar...

es extraño presenciar la reunión de gallinas a esta hora

Phoenicoperus

Somebody stop me.

Why? Is it correct to give advice to people (asked advice, not free) if I cannot deal with my own life?. PLEASE!!!!! Somebody stop me. These past weeks have been pretty much the same. I do not know how people even take care of my opinion. I am not a fuckin' guru. And that's not recent. It has been since years ago. Maybe my nerdiness has something to say about it. Just now, I do not know. I just have been listening music. Watching tv. Doing chores. Becoming a little anger because the other blog template doesn't work on Mozilla browsers (Firefox, Camino, Sea Monkey, Flock.) The worst thing is that is a nice template. Yeah I now. Just as a friend of mine said before. You complain too much! (Hi Martha, I do not think that you know the address of my blog, but if you come here hello to you). But is hard to be. That's the phrase. Hard to be. Or it's hard trying to be. It's kinda late and oh My God, the frealing daylight savings. I do not save anything and I HATE that crap. It's worthless. Tonikaku. See you. Another weekend in the same. Just one difference. There are no tears this one. (At least, until now)

Wind - Akeboshi - Naruto 1st Ending.

Veinticuatro

Mei Haku Yon Yuu San

Another mask

Writing in a language that is not mine. It hurts less I guess. It puts me beyond myself. Or beyond something. Or just beyond. I cannot explain how is that every day I become more angry, more acid. And the pain just doesn't stop. I cannot explain. I cannot stand. I cannot turn around and see, cause everywhere I see it's just that way. Pain. pain. pain. Sorrow. Unhappiness. I cannot explain. I cannot stand. I cannot run nor hide. Yesterday I cried. I didn't win anything but a few minutes of relief, because I couldn't stop. It's not fair for anyone. ........i cannot stand it.

Damn

Hasn't been good days these days. Very busy. Very lazy. Some of they sad. But that doesnt' sounds correct at all. The days cannot be sad or happy. It's me who is sad or happy. I didn't have much things to be happy. Instead of that, I found the other face of the coin. Movies and songs remind me of things that I wanted to forget. But I never forget. At all. I have the hability of remember most of the things that I see, hear, read or think. I walked on and look at sadness. I walked until I reach a place that I haven't been in a long time. I sat. I cryed. And then it became more difficult. Because I couldn't move my mind out of the thoughts that were coming out of it. The world wasn't made by a god. I came to the conclusion that this world is product of a cruel demon that laughs every time why fall, every time we cry, every time we try vainly to be happy. To love someone, to reach someone or something, to be good. Everywhere I look around I just see the same things every time. All is pain, all is horror, all is dissapointment. We live in a sack of meat that is constantly getting rotten, inflating, smelling bad. We want desperately to be with other beings like us, just to lost the desire and want to be with other beings, and we became mad when that beings want to be with others. We love people who doesn't love us. We hate people who loves us. We can't be ourselves. We can't be love whoever we want. We cannot be whoever we want to be. We live inmersed in pain...and there's nothing we can do. We cannot run nor hide. There is no escape. There is no peace. There is no point on living. And that's why I started to wep this evening. And it doesn't make sense, because it has no remedy. And there is no hope.

This is the best way that I've found...

As I said in my nick on my instant messenger. I am tired of ups and downs. Tired of doing and not doing. Even tired of feeling. Anger is what comes to me. Some envy, a little bit (well, a lot) of selfishness. And some tiredness... I just feel tired, because of the constant struggle that I have been to since a lot of time. And the constant struggle that I am. Struggle against myself and my feelings. Struggle with others. Struggle with all.

Well. Is not a struggle. It is a damn FIGHT in what I am. I try to hide it, but it comes and comes again and again...

And sometimes I feel relieved...

Until I wake up, and I turn back to myself......

Very Odd.

That's how I describe this weekend. I thought it would be hard and that I wouldn't have anyone to go out. Besides, I had a lot of homework. Nevertheless, I managed to finish my homework...somehow. I don't know how I did it, but I did it. Right, wrong, but I did it. And suddenly I realized too that I didn't need to go out to be ok. So I stayed home. Playing some old nintendo games. Walkin' around the town. I even found a friend that i haven seen in a long time. And I feel good about to see him. So I managed living. But I know that I need to do something in the week. Not just work, not just internet, not just sleeping. I need to activate myself. Not just routine. So, that's all for today.

Muse - Starlight.

Hoy

Dia Once de Octubre